I have to say that lately the theme from friends, family and colleagues is the challenge of grieving or letting go. There are cycles in life that we move through. There are times of new growth and vitality that are so energising and exciting: getting that first real job, finding your true love, seeing families grow with little ones healthy and strong. It all seems like it will last forever. Life feels good. Then you hit a stage in life when suddenly you begin to face loss. Some feel that earlier in life while others experience it much later. It doesn't seem much different when you lose a parent, it's hard. I lost my mom as a teenager while others lose their parents in their 50's or 60's. The grief is still there. I've watched many of my friends or family members having to let go of their children as some get married and move away from home, others going through illness, and one even from death. Grief feels so close. Some people are grieving loss of financial security while others the relationships they have had with their parents. Their parents seem far off from today's reality, thus connecting with them seems hard.
I have grieved the unexpected loss of function as the breast cancer drugs weaken my legs. Now I can only walk in the home. I fall more and I cannot rely on my legs to do my little walks around the block. I don't have the energy I had so I must figure out a new normal to how I approach life at home and work. Again, it is letting go. Friends around me tell me they can't run anymore due to back pain or their eye sight is getting worse. We are constantly dealing with the changes around us and the changes in our own bodies. Life is always in a state of flux but we have a hard time adapting to it. We struggle to hang on to what we know....why? Fear.
We want to look back at what we had because the fear of living without..."x"...... seems so scary at times. I am scared too at what the future may bring, however if I keep hanging on to what I was or what I had, instead of looking forward to what is still to come I will miss out on the new gifts life will bring. This looking forward is hard when I keep hanging on to the past. What is it that will keep me looking forward......HOPE.
When I was diagnosed with cancer 7 months ago, my sister decided to make me a beautiful quilt which has in big letters H...O...P....E. It has stuck with me as I have gone on this journey. For me, my HOPE comes from knowing my life was wonderfully created by a loving God, and has a purpose. Figuring it out as it constantly changes with amazing blessings and really hard times is part of the natural flux in life, like waves that pull you under into its turbulence and then push you back to the warm safe sand. We shouldn't fear these changing but embrace them, trusting that something new will happen that one day bring us joy again. It does not change that fact that we have lost something/one important to us. We need to grieve and cry, but let us never give up the HOPE in what's next. For some that HOPE has a foundation in a faith in God. It's during these difficult times we find out what we have hope in. I recently challenged a surgeon at work at work who is agnostic/atheist about what does he put his faith in. He could not answer. He was not sure.
Life is hard and does bring great challenges at times. These times challenge our beliefs and push us to figure out what we HOPE for. I know where I find my hope through the turbulence. Doesn't mean life is easy as I figure out my new normal (again). However, God is my anchor. I can say, "It is well with my soul", can you?
